The Blackbird Whistling, Or Just After

"Coaching Boys Into Men" NY Campaign on Violence Against Women Seen as "Boybashing" by Men's Rights Group

Here's the print ad. What do you think?

The men's activist group The New York Coalition of Fathers and Families recently staged a protest against the ads, which are sponsored by New York's Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence. The ads will appear in print, and in TV and radio spots throughout the state.

Some people recognize that domestic violence awareness efforts and aid services routinely fail to target male victims. Jan Brown, Founder and Executive Director of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women, works daily to provide support to, and raise awareness about, male victims of domestic abuse. (Although interestingly, the organization targets heterosexual couples only. Men abused by women.)

The critics of these ads, however, seem motivated by open aggression and hate. The ads may focus on domestic abuse against women specifically, but they persecute no one. The NY Coalition of Fathers and Families accuses the ads of painting all men as abusive by default.

Radio commentator Glenn Sacks writes that

if it really were a "Domestic Violence Public Awareness Media Campaign," we'd be made aware that women are just as likely to attack their male partners as vice versa, but any mention of that is strictly verboten.

He neglects to back up his claims with any statistics. I guess we take him at his word...

But more than that, there are lots of ways to disrespect women. Demeaning, shaming, and destructive behavior goes on every day in the absence of physical violence. It seems like this is a concept beyond these protesters. At least, if you take a look at the comment to Sacks' post.

And the ad doesn't try to peg boys as necessarily destructive toward women. Will a boy necessarily avoid vegetables? Play with matches? Neglect his homework? No, but he might. Especially if the behavior is common in his environment and no one talks to him about the importance of these issues.

I mean really, a protest? I know that courts are skewed toward women when it comes to divorce and child custody, but picking a fight over ads teaching respect is about as helpful to their cause as NOW's New York chapter accusing Ted Kennedy of  "the ultimate betrayal" for endorsing Barack over Hillary. It's ill-intended, counter-productive, and just plain embarrassing.

"The Greatest Silence" - DRC Documentary Wins at Sundance

"The Greatest Silence: Rape in the Congo," a feature-length documentary by Lisa F. Jackson, was awarded a Special Jury prize at Sundance last week. The film is unflinching in the face of the mass rape, mutilation, kidnapping and torture inflicted upon as many as hundreds of thousands of women and children in the Congo. Jackson, herself a survivor of gang rape in the US, interviews Congolese victims and rapists alike to uncover the world where such cruelty thrives.

Since 1998 an estimated 5.4 million people have died in the Democratic Republic of Congo as a result of ongoing insurgent violence, which  has displaced more than 500,000 people from their homes in the last year alone. Most deaths occur from malnutrition, untreated injury, and disease.

The ongoing violence and instability has rent the nation into enclaves of virtual lawlessness, where atrocities are committed with impunity by nearly every side, including rebel factions, Congolese soldiers, and UN aid workers stationed in DRC.

At the very end of a long line of suffering are the Congo's women and children. After visiting the Eastern Congo, Eve Ensler described it as "hell." Lisa Jackson describes it as "a literal heart of darkness."

Yet, even with 5.4 million dead in less than a decade and the ongoing rape and mutilation of hundreds of thousands of women and children, there remains little global awareness about the Democratic Republic of Congo.

Hopefully this film, and the less-publicized documentary Lumo, will raise awareness and much needed funds and aid to this devastated area.

Note: On January 23, 2008 a peace signing took place between the Congolese President Kabila and representatives of General Laurent Nkunda, leader of the dominant Mai-Mai faction. The lasting implications of this agreement are as yet unclear.

Further Reading:

The UN Mission in the DRC

The Panzi Hospital in Bukavu

V-Day and UNICEF report: V-DAY and UNICEF Call for an End to Rape and Sexual Torture against Women and Girls in Eastern Democratic Republic of Congo

Friends of the Congo

The Greatest Silence Link Page

See also Blackbird Posts:

"Like Rwanda But Worse" Rape As a Weapon of War in the Congo [Part 1: History of the Conflict

Rape As a Weapon of War in the Congo [Part 2: The Savagery]

Rape As a Weapon of War in the Congo [Part 3: The Healing and What You Can Do To Help]

"The Boat Must Be Rocked" - Congresswoman Slaughter on KBR Rape Case

Members of Congress are finally demanding accountability for the actions of US contractors in Iraq and around the world. Spurred by the lack of charges in the recent case of Jamie Leigh Jones, who was gang raped by fellow KBR employees while working as a contractor in Iraq, Reps Louise M. Slaughter (NY-18), Jan Schakowsky (IL-9), and Ted Poe (TX-2) have drafted letters to Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. The letters deliver, Slaughter says, a much needed "wake-up call" to the White House. Over 110 members of Congress have signed the letters.

In a special posting on Feministing, Slaughter writes

Yesterday, I, and over 100 of my colleagues, took a serious step to breaking the dangerous “boys will be boys” attitude that has been allowed to fester for far too long among United States government contractors in Iraq and around the world.

...it appears that the Departments of Justice, State, and Defense would prefer that the American public forget what happened to Jamie Leigh Jones.

It appears they do not want to rock the boat.

But this boat must be rocked.  Because what happened to Jamie Leigh Jones was not an isolated incident. 

[...]

It is increasingly apparent that there are many women working for United States government contractors that are regularly subject to sexual harassment, assault, and rape. And what is even more apparent, the perpetrators of these heinous acts are not held to account and justice is almost never served.

[...]

We will not rest until these answers meet our satisfaction and there is a guarantee that criminal offenders are punished to the letter of the law and that contractors, getting rich on massive taxpayer funded contracts, are held to account.

It must be the Bush Administration’s unequivocal position that individuals working as United States government contractors, whether at home or abroad, have the same rights to treatment, services, and proper legal recourse when they are victims of a violent crime.

The letters demand that DoD and the DoS detail their efforts to maintain the safety of Americans working for US contractors abroad.

Further Reading:

The Jamie Leigh Foundation - Jones' non-profit is "dedicated to helping United States citizens and legal residents who are victims of crime while working abroad for government contractors and subcontractors." Also lots of info on her case.

Jone's testimony to a House Judiciary Committee.

(The comment board is unfortunately peppered with "well-intentioned" comments that drop phrases like "hot" and "understandable" and "asking for it." The most surprising is the commenter who is shocked to have offended, believing to have simply offered up a compliment.)

ABC Coverage of Jones' Case.

Take Action:

Sign a petition urging the Senate to promptly pass H.R. 2740 - The MEJA Expansion and Enforcement Act of 2007, (or the Clarification of the Military Extraterritorial Jurisdiction Act.) This expands culpability to all US contractors outside US boarders and requires the FBI and Department of Justice to track and report on related criminal activity. NOTE: Bill has passed in the House, use form for Senate only.

Speak out to the Department of Defense and the State Department.

No "Right" Way To Be A Woman in Power - Barriers of Sex & Race in '08 Election

Gloria Steinem writes a brief yet interesting op-ed in the Times today about Clinton's struggle against the gender barrier verses Obama's against the racial barrier. She writes

I’m not advocating a competition for who has it toughest. The caste systems of sex and race are interdependent and can only be uprooted together. [...]

But what worries me is that he  is seen as unifying by his race while she  is seen as divisive by her sex.

What worries me is that she is accused of “playing the gender card” when citing the old boys’ club, while he is seen as unifying by citing civil rights confrontations.

What worries me is that male Iowa voters were seen as gender-free when supporting their own, while female voters were seen as biased if they did and disloyal if they didn’t.

What worries me is that reporters ignore Mr. Obama’s dependence on the old — for instance, the frequent campaign comparisons to John F. Kennedy — while not challenging the slander that her progressive policies are part of the Washington status quo. [...]

This country can no longer afford to choose our leaders from a talent pool limited by sex, race, money, powerful fathers and paper degrees. It’s time to take equal pride in breaking all the barriers.

The piece doesn't explore any of these issues, but it does bring them up in a mainstream media that has so far demonstrated an awkwardness and general avoidance of the topic - as though pointing out that Clinton is being regarded differently because she's a woman is sexist in itself.

In September, Chris Matthews asked Senator Chris Dodd if he found it difficult to debate against a woman. The feminists rolled their eyes and angrily blogged about it. I thought it was a fair question. It simply took at look at the issue from a different point of view.

Gender restrictions in our society, even the ones that deem women are weaker and dictate that gentlemen don't fight with, pick on, or bully women, effect both sexes. In this case, how do you come out swinging in the verbal slug-fest of a presidential debate, when a gentleman is taught to treat women gently, pay for dinner, and open doors? Image is everything to campaigners, and while aggressive against another man is, well...manly, the same demeanor against a woman may well label you a brute.

Whether this is insulting or sexist isn't the point of the question. The fact that these pre-conceptions exist (and what is a political campaign if not the careful juggling, polling, and pandering to the pre-conceptions of targeted voter groups?) is reason enough to acknowledge them. The very act of not-acknowledging these differences, of perpetuating the long-standing silence surrounding issues of gender and race, is to normalize the stereotypes, to authenticate them, even.

Does gender or race have anything to do with competency in the oval office? Of course not. But when a society is ingrained with so many unfounded fears, insinuations, skewed perceptions, and unspoken assumptions, it becomes clear that many voters believe gender and race have a lot to do with it.

Granted, an informed debate on gender stereotypes is not likely to break out on Hardball, but Matthews was one of the only mainstreamers to ask an obvious question, rather than avoiding the question so as not to offend, in the pretense that the reality which keeps the question relevant doesn't exist.

Then again, with so much else to consider - health care, national security, choosing a new commander-in-chief - how many Americans want to hold a mirror up to their own deep-seated views of gender stereotypes? Maybe blaming the media is too easy. I have enough trouble finding people who recognize sexism in everyday life, let along those who want to talk about it, or worse yet, admit their own long-standing notions. Is this too cynical?

Self-Immolation A Growing Trend in Afghan Women

In Afghanistan, a growing number of women, primarily aged 10-40, attempt to flee lives of hopelessness and despair by setting themselves on fire.

It is difficult to accurately estimate the number of Afghan women and girls who attempt to kill themselves with petrol and a match. Anywhere from one hundred to several hundred cases of self-immolation have been reported each year since 2002. A New York Times article reports that in 2004 the Afghan Independent Human Rights Commission recorded 40 cases in six months in the city of Herat alone. These reported numbers are exceptionally low, however, because families often hide the incident or try to lie about the method of death.

Reported cases are almost entirely of those who survive, even briefly, and find themselves being treated in a local burn unit. Yet even these women often attempt to lie about their wounds, insisting the incident was accidental. The staff at the burn unit in Herat's Regional Medical Center have learned to discern the truth. Fuel-soaked clothing and little evidence of an attempt to stifle flames strongly point to self-infliction. Dr. Ghafar Bawar, a plastic surgeon who consults at the unit, explains

"When an accident happens, they try to stop it. In self-inflicted burns, a high percentage of the body surface area is affected. When it is more than 40 per cent of body surface area burnt . . . it's usually self-inflicted."

For many western readers, it's hard to understand what would drive these women, many of them teens, to commit such a desperate and agonizing act. It's important to recognize Afghanistan's deep-seated culture of female oppression and the utter lack of options perceived by most women.

Many Afghan women, especially in rural villages, live in a state of near slavery. They are kept uneducated and have little or no control over the most basic aspects of their lives.

Forced into marriage as a young teen, (the youngest reported case of self-immolation was a nine year old child), to a man possibly decades older, an Afghan girl must obey not only her new husband but any of his male or female relatives. She endures daily beatings and other, often sexual, abuses. She cannot read or write and has been prohibited from learning a valuable skill or trade. All she knows of the world is what she has been told, and what she is told cultivates hopelessness, humiliation, and the constant threat of violence. Even her own voice is useless to her. If she speaks out she earns only ridicule or further punishment.

Where can she turn? A few girls are lucky enough to learn of a shelter for abused women and child brides, though even fewer are able to escape. Illiterate and isolated, most women have no idea that any escape is possible. In their minds, they have nothing.

No courts, no police, no divorce, no justice, no escape.

When the Taliban were toppled and Hamid Karzai took power at the end of 2001, it seemed Afghan women would enjoy a life of more freedom and stability. Unfortunately, many women live under nearly the same oppression, humiliation, and violence that they suffered under the Taliban.

Let's take a closer look at the reality of life for most Afghan women, shaped drastically by recent Taliban rule and related gender beliefs which, for too many, still linger.

Life Under the Taliban

The Taliban ruled Afghanistan, through continued insurgency and civil war, from 1996 until nearly 2002.

Under Taliban rule, Afghan women were oppressed in literally every aspect of their lives. In what has been referred to as gender apartheid, women were placed under house arrest, denied the ability to work or gain an education, and required to shield themselves from all males except very close relatives. The windows of her home were painted black, lest an innocently passing male catch a forbidden glimpse, and she could not leave her home at all unless escorted by a close male relative and sheathed in full burqa. When outside the home, she was careful to both speak and step softly, lest her presence be seductively audible to strange males.

Any woman who had lost all male relatives in the years of ongoing conflict was literally trapped in her home.

Unable to seek medical treatment from doctors who, under Taliban rule, were necessarily all male, women frequently died of treatable ailments.

Anyone caught defying the new laws risked public beating and execution. Speaking too loudly or or inadvertently flashing an ankle or wrist earned a woman a public lashing. Women caught unattended outside their homes, assumed to be attempting to flee, were often stoned to death. Women in the presence of a non-related male were charged with adultery and hanged.

Today...

In 2002, when the Taliban lost control of Afghanistan's central government, the lives of many Afghan women brightened. For the most part, educated, urban women returned to work or school and as their country worked to rebuild itself, they strove to reclaim their lives.

Unfortunately, Afghan women in poor, rural areas, continue to live under the same oppression and abuse as before. While Taliban law is no longer in effect, many rural areas are governed by tribal law, which remains uninfluenced by the Afghan government. In many territories, warlords rule with impunity and throughout the nation societal norms give males full dominance over women, who are treated with violence and contempt on a daily basis.

Three women initially held positions in President Kazai's cabinet, however all have since been replaced by males, including the Minister of Women's Affairs. A 2006 article in the Christian Science Monitor explains

Women's inclusion in Afghanistan's government, which the international community has been using as an indicator of democratic progress, is actually regressing. The interim Supreme Court has consistently sided with conservatives [...] It has issued bans on women singing on television... and upheld the marriage of a 9-year-old girl, even though Afghan law sets marriageable age at 16.

Afghan women are repeatedly denied equal access to legal representation and due process. Nearly 80 percent of the women in prison have been convicted of zina, engaging in sexual activity outside marriage. But the majority of those convicted were simply trying to escape domestic abuse and seek refuge outside their oppressive households.

The reality of life for many rural Afghan women is one of utter helplessness. Once forced into marriage, an Afghan female loses the ability to determine what she does, or where she goes, in some cases ever. Daily beatings are common, as are psychological humiliation and degradation. Rape perpetrated by a husband is not considered abnormal, let alone a crime.

Afghanistan's groundbreaking 2004 presidential election was a passing irrelevance for most Afghan women.  According to a 2007 UNIFEM fact sheet,

• 87% of Afghans believed that a woman needed  a male relatives authorization to vote.
• 35% of women believed they would not have permission to vote.
• 18% of men admitted they would not allow they wives to vote.

 

Additionally,

• 70-80% of Afghan women  face forced marriages
• 57% of Afghan girls are married before the legal marriage age of sixteen.

Why Fire?

Although self-immolation seems to be one of the most abhorrent choices for suicide, it is, for many, the only choice. Although some find access to poisons, most have no way of going outside the home for any needed materials. Other available options, such as wrist cutting or hanging, are not fool-proof enough for their intentions. Fire, they believe, is absolute.

Medica Modiale, an organization dedicated to aiding women in war zones and areas of crisis, conducted the first report on self-immolation in Afghan women. They found:

Self-immolation as a method of committing suicide is so frequent because women feel they have no alternative. They can never leave the house and have no access to medicaments. However, there is flammable material in contrast in every kitchen.

Medica Modiale's  Nabila Wafiq told the Washington Post

"When we asked most people why they committed self-immolation, they said that when they take pills, they don't die, but when they commit self-immolation they believe they will die, 100 percent."

Additionally, women are drawn to fire by the opportunity for retribution it presents. An overwhelming atmosphere of shame and dishonor surround the families of those who choose to who self-immolate. This actually contributes to the death-rate of these suicide attempts, as most women die because they are not immediately taken to the hospital, or not taken at all.

The fact that it is difficult to lie about the method of death, often leaves abusive families with an intended stigma. Unfortunately, this motive backfires on a woman who survives. The shame of her act often means total isolation and neglect.

Wafiq also asserts that the trend is growing, in part, because of news reports of suicide by self-immolation, which fail to mention the tortured survivors of the act, or those who take agonizing days to finally die.

Journalist Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy, speaking to RAWA (The Revolutionary Association of the Women of Afghanistan) about "Lifting the Veil", her documentary on  the experiences of Afghan women, explains

There are many ways to die – you can take poison or jump in a river. But I think that if those women had died in that way, it would have been easy for the men of the family to cover it up, saying she had a heart attack, or she fell down or something.

But if you pour kerosene on yourself and you light a match, you're making a statement. You're saying look at me, I am in pain, I am in misery, I am not going to die quietly, I am making a point.

In Their Words...

17-year old Fazela:

"My name is Fazela. On that particular day when I burned myself, my husband -- who is also my cousin -- had a fight with me," she recalls. "He beat me. And after I was beaten, I poured kerosene over myself. Then I lit myself on fire. Before this, I really wanted to leave this house. But he took my burqa and did not let me go outside of the house. Now I really regret that I burned myself."

-- Radio Free Europe RadioLiberty

16-year old survivor describes the moments leading up to her self-immolation

"When he did not have access to heroin and narcotics, he tortured me. After midnight he would hit me. That night he hit me and hit my head. Blood was coming from my nose. I asked him why he was doing it and he hit me even more."

-- BBC News 11/15/06

How You Can Help

Donate to the Afghan Women's Mission and you can specify how you want your dollars spent - general fund, education, awareness, etc... They also have pledge program, volunteer info, and more...

The Feminist Majority Foundation runs a campaign entitled Help Afghan Women. They make it quick and easy to petition the US government, spread the word to friends and colleagues, join an action team, and of course, donate.

RAWA has a range of specific donation needs - used digital cameras, school supplies, medical supplies. They also have all sorts of other ideas of how you can help - from translating articles to arranging photo exhibits. Of course you can always write awareness letters or just send some cash! Check it out.

"Legal Fictions" Lithwick on the Biggest Bush Admin. Assertions of 2007

In Slate this week, Dahlia Lithwick covers "The Bush Administration's Dumbest Legal Arguments of the Year." The way things have been piling up, 365 days is more than enough time to forget a few whoppers. She covers  Gonzales, Libby, executive privilege, waterboarding, and a few that may have slipped your mind by now...

It's also worth while to take a peek at her 2006 retrospective "The Bill of Wrongs: The 10 most outrageous civil liberties violations of 2006." Wiretapping, anyone?

Other handy reminders are available via the Huffington Post:

  

Changing Hearts: New Op-Ed Urges Pro-Life Pro-Choice "Partnership"

RH Reality Check has an interesting article by Anna Clark  called "Changing Hearts, From Pro-Life to Pro-Choice."

She chronicles her tale from fervid anti-choice to passionate pro-choice. And no, her change of heart does not involve an abortion in her life.

What I love about this piece is that it humanizes the struggle itself. Clark dislikes the idea of two warring sides and laments that her ideas on reproductive rights would have changed much sooner had pro-choicers bother to talk to her about their beliefs rather than eying her up as the enemy.

It's difficult to not become enraged about the issue itself, but do we need to be constantly enraged at each other? Pro-choicers watch religious, political, and largely misogynistic rhetoric take away the right to our own bodies and futures (let alone our own personal and/or religious or spiritual beliefs.) Pro-lifers believe that sex-hungry women defile their bodies and wipe away their sin by conveniently aborting their innocent babies.

It's emotional. It's volatile. But is it, essentially, for the everyday women who find themselves on one side of the issue or the other, the truth? Are the assumptions made by each side about the other really what's going on in the hearts and minds of women?

I would argue that it isn't. That those at the polar extremes of the abortion issue speak the loudest and get the most news coverage. And then I wonder if, when someone tells me she's pro-life, it's only my own smallness that causes my knee-jerk dislike, even disrespect for her.

Clark writes:

Enemy caricatures mask the greatest strength of pro-choice philosophy: inclusiveness.

Pro-choice society, like democratic society, is predicated on space for those who disagree. When we play sides, we forget there are no enemies in the vision we pursue. Our inclusiveness of those who choose not to have abortions, and even those who judge abortion to be morally wrong, is our movement's power. When we approach anti-choicers as friends, not only do we act on the heart of our beliefs, but we create space for anti-choicers to become our allies.

I'm not sure how I feel about my ability to embrace the total inclusiveness thing, but women speaking openly and non-judgmentally to other women (and men) about this critical issue, can only be a good idea.

Students Active For Ending Rape - Donate Today

Students Active For Ending Rape (SAFER) is a national non-profit based in NY, and in the next 24 hours you have a unique opportunity to help them raise a good chunk of change. If they receive the most unique donors between now and tomorrow (Saturday 12/22) at 3pm, they'll win an extra $1,000 in Facebook's Causes Giving Challenge.

Are you reading this too late? Donate anyway and if SAFER amasses the most unique donors in 50 days, they could win $50,000!

The contest is being run by a Facebook charity group called Causes, which was  started by a couple of guys from Berkeley who founded Project Agape: "deploying a platform for large-scale political and social activism on the Internet."

You do have to register with Facebook if you don't already have an account, and the minimum donation is $10. The contest isn't about dollar amounts, just the number of donors. Still reluctant? Here's what SAFER is all about. keep in mind it's run almost entirely by college students.

SAFER is a national nonprofit organization devoted to training grassroots student activists to win improvements in the sexual assault policies at their colleges and universities. Colleges often fail to provide students with basic services to deal with epidemic levels of sexual violence on campus. Survivors of sexual assault are retraumatized with unresponsive and unfair policies that often recreate the oppressions that lead to sexual violence. SAFER seeks to provide student activists with the tools they need to challenge university complacence regarding sexual assault.

SAFER was founded not simply to combat the problem of sexual assault, but to help reorganize the fragmented progressive movement by training a new generation of grassroots organizers. While right-wing organizations have spent millions training and developing their young leaders, progressive organizers lack the skills to combat a growing wave of rightist social control. Young progressives are often overwhelmed by the number of social problems they face, and find themselves unable to commit to one winnable campaign to improve the conditions of their lives.

SAFER believes that by focusing on one deeply felt issue and allowing young organizers to "practice" their skills within the political microcosms of their university communities, we can not only create a less racist, violent and misogynistic environment on college campuses, but also develop effective and experienced direct action organizers who will take their skills into the larger political sphere when they leave college.

In addition to educational resources individually targeting students, faculty, and parents, SAFER has two main projects. The Stories Project encourages survivors to tell their stories, not only to break their devastating silences, but also to demonstrate the depth and pervasiveness of sexual violence on college campuses. The Policies Database Project documents sexual assault policies of campuses all over the country for eventual analysis and publication. They're looking to hire law students to speed the database along (if you know any), and for that and so much more, they need $$$!

"Anti-gay amendments are the Happy Meal toy of Republican politics." - A Meandering Post on Gay & Women's Rights

"Anti-gay amendments are the Happy Meal toy of Republican politics." So says Chris Kelly, who has a good piece in Huffington today about Florida introducing a new Marriage Protection Amendment on the 2008 ballot. Forgive the dripping sarcasm, he makes a good point.

So come on down! And while you're in there, marking the magic X that proves you're not a homo -- and that your life wasn't a squalid waste of everyone's time, because at least you got yerself hitched -- why not also vote for a Republican president?

Something for you.  Something for the GOP. It's a get-out-the-vote win/win.

The amendment is being pushed by John Stemberger head of Florida4Marriage, which according to Kelly is

a Republican front group, run by a personal injury lawyer, to lure gay-hating boobs into the voting booths next November.

Although the the Federal "Defense" of Marriage Act applies to Florida, this push for a change to the state constitution is a "just in case" measure to firm up wording that clever homosexuals may, at some point in the future, use to challenge the definition of marriage and ultimately subject children to the "vast, untested social experiment" that is same sex marriage.

They get much of their support material from "Focus on the Family" who, when not embroiled against the ignoble war on Christmas, is  propagating the gay-is-evil Christian world view with gems like these -

• No society needs homosexual coupling. In fact, too much of it would be harmful to society and that is why natural marriage and same-sex coupling cannot be considered socially equal.

• It is an affront to African-Americans to say having past generations being prevented from taking a drink from a public water fountain or being sprayed down by fire hoses in a public park was on par to laws preventing a man from marrying another man. The comparison is shameful.

• Supporters of the Federal Marriage Amendment (FMA) did not just dream up the need for such an amendment. We have been forced into this battle because a very small few want to constitutionally redefine marriage for all of us. Same-sex activists brought this fight to all of us. (Er..."very small few?")

A little more digging at family.org, and I discovered the predictably misogynistic take on heterosexual marriage. The best bits are "What I Didn't Know About Men - Seven Revelations". These include - men need respect, men are providers, men want more sex, and...

Men care about appearance.
What that means in practice: You don't need to be a size 3, but your man does need to see you making the effort to take care of yourself — and he will take on significant cost or inconvenience in order to support you.

There's plenty more, of course, including a the follow-up section "You Are Her Prince Charming", but you can check it out yourself, if you're so inclined.

Rape as a Weapon of War in the Congo [Part 3 - The Healing & What You Can Do to Help]

If you want an intimate glimpse into the lives of victimized women fighting to reclaim their lives in the Democratic Republic of Congo, start with Lumo - One Woman's Struggle to Heal in a Country Beset by War.

This documentary details the story of then 20 year-old Lumo Sinai who, like tens or hundreds of thousands of others, was violently gang-raped and left for dead by militants in the DRC.

The Goma Film Project gives the following synopsis:

Lumo is a feature-length documentary about a young Congolese woman on an uncertain path to recovery at a unique hospital for rape survivors.

The agonies of war torn Africa are deeply etched in the bodies of women. In eastern Congo, vying militias, armies and bandits use rape as a weapon of terror.

Recently engaged to a young man from her village, 20 year-old Lumo Sinai couldn’t wait to have children and start a family. But when she crossed paths with marauding soldiers who brutally attacked her, she was left with a fistula — a condition that has rendered her incontinent and threatens her ability to give birth in the future. Rejected by her fiancé and cast aside by her family, Lumo found her way to the one place that may save her: a hospital for rape survivors set on the border with Rwanda.

Buoyed by the love of the hospital staff, and a formidable team of wise women known to all as “the Mamas,” Lumo and her friends keep the hope of one day resuming their former lives, thanks to an operation that can restore them fully to health. A feisty young woman with a red comb perpetually jutting from her hair, Lumo faces the challenge of recovery with remarkable courage and sass. As she and her friends recover from surgery, they pass the days by gossiping and sharing their dreams of one day finding love.

But when it looks like her operation may have failed, Lumo’s faith is thrown entirely into question.

On this uncertain road to recovery, Lumo shows that the solidarity of women can bind the most irreparable of wounds.

American filmmakers Bent-Jorgen Perlmutt and Nelson Walker III take a unique approach that grants them the unlikely trust and acceptance of these brutalized women. They encourage the women to pick up a camera and participate in the filming (not unlike Ann Jones providing women with a means of self-expression and independence through photography in Cote d'Ivoire).

The filmmakers held nightly screening sessions, which both amazed and inspired the community of healing women. They also gave the women freedom to film whenever they chose and ensured that whenever a woman preferred not to be filmed, anyone with a camera desisted immediately and without question.

The film is shot in an observational style with no additional narration; the women themselves tell the story.

The culmination of these choices produces a striking result. The women pay little attention to the camera and the viewer is left with the astonishing "fly on the wall" privilege of looking into these women's lives: their horrific tales, their broken bodies, their fight to reclaim a piece of happiness, of purpose, their laughter, their jokes, their support, their jealousies, their triumphs, and their despair.

The film follows the women through their process of healing, both physically and psychologically, but it is careful not to paint a fairytale of recovery. When women heal from successful fistula surgeries, they leave the safety of the hospital and re-enter a climate rife with sexual violence and instability. Many times a woman's rapists will still have control of her village when she returns. It is not uncommon for a woman to heal and return  months later with further injuries.

Few hospitals exist to help these women, and those that do are underfunded, under supplied, and understaffed.

At the  Panzi hospital in Bukavu, Dr. Denis Mukwege is the only physician in a facility of 300 beds, most of which are filled with women waiting surgery to repair traumatic fistulas. Ironically, the hospital was founded as an operating room and maternity ward to serve the many women in southern Bukavu who have no assess to obstetric care. It was soon apparent, however, that the greater need was care for the growing number of victims of sexual violence.

Eve Ensler, founder of v-day.org,  wrote an extensive piece about her visit to DRC and Panzi, published in (of all places) Glamour Magazine. She begins the article with

I have just returned from hell. I am trying for the life of me to figure out how to communicate what I have seen and heard in the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

According to Erika Beckman, project manager for PMU Interlife, in an email to Susannah at The Reverse Cowgirl

...we receive approx. 200 rape victims a month at the hospital. We have both in-patients (women with more severe wounds) who reside at the hospital, and out-patients (less severe wounds) that stay in our "transit homes" where they are taken care of in-between treatments at the hospital. All women that come here receive the treatment, operations and training for free. Their children they might have with them are also cared for, as well as accompanying relatives or neighbours.

Women stay here on average 30 days for treatment, many women need multiple operations to be rehabilitated, and many need to heal in between the operations too. During their stay here, the women are taught how to read and write, they are taught different handicrafts and how to be self-sustainable. They are also given legal counselling and guided by lawyers if they wish to press charges against their perpetrators. (Currently we have 14 cases pending, but sadly because of the weak judicial system in DR Congo, perpetrators are always let off the hook).

The best evidence of the importance we have on the raped women that we treat is that many have told me that they would not have survived if they did not come to Panzi. Many women are, as you can understand, suicidal after the rape, but here at Panzi, except for medical treatment, they are also given their value back by our excellent staff and fellow victims who support each other, sing together to relieve the pain, work together on handicrafts and laugh together. They are truly amazing at finding small things to be happy about in life and really encourage each other in this way. [Em.mine]

The Panzi hospital, in partnership with V-Day and Unicef, is raising funds for a City of Joy.

City of Joy will be a refuge for healed women, survivors of rape and torture who have been left without family and community.  City of Joy will offer a safe haven, providing educational and income-generating opportunities, and support women in becoming the next leaders of the DRC.

Donate through v-day here.

Lumo was filmed in the HEAL Africa Hospital in Goma. HEAL Africa (Health, Education, Community Action, and Leadership Development) started as a part of Doctors on Call to Service (DOCS) and is now run by Dr Jo Lusi and his wife Lyn. They work to train Congolese medical staff, counselors and activists on dealing with issues like gender-based violence, and HIV/AIDS.

As seen in the film, they send one of the "Mamas" into the countryside with a truck, rounding up women with traumatic fistulas and transporting them to the hospital. Although women often have had no idea that help was available, they remain terrified and many need to be persuaded to make the journey to the hospital.

To help the women re-integrate into communities that had ostracized them, HEAL Africa sends the women home bearing valuable gifts such as seeds and a gardening hoe, or a pair of ducks or a goat. The women also return with new self-sustainment skills that increase their value to the village. Many become literate during their stay at the hospital.

Donate to HEAL Africa here, and they'll tell you what each dollar amount will buy. For example, $20 buys a sewing kit for a woman who has learned tailoring skills, $50 pays for tuition and supplies to send one child to primary school for a year, $300 pays for a woman's fistula surgery.

Donate. Write a letter to Congolese officials (v-day has a template). Link to a blog or article. TALK to people. Tell them what's going on and what they can do.

Act now. It's so easy for most of us. Just act.